My Super Cool and Awesome Blog

(1)I just updated my website a bunch and Im starting to really like the look of it. Im also learning a lot about how to navigate neocities and how to follow people and get followers and find websites and people I like. Im currently in my first period class at 7:50am and todays a half day which is great cause I have an orthodontist appointment today that should be my last normal appointment until I get my braces off. I should only have a month or so until my evaluation for when I can get my braces off. My mom said that I can get my lip peirced the day I get my braces off right after the appointment if I wanted to and Im so insanley excited cause thats gonna be so cool.

(2)Also, the first cat we got, artie, whos about 3 years old and the runt of the litter so shes really small, might genuinley be pregnant right now which my mom is denying hardcore saying "shes just fat shes not pregnant, we'll get her a shmashmortion" but Im making her schedule a vet visit because she has many symptoms of being pregnant and my dad said shes most likely pregnant. I lowkey hope shes not because itd be a lot of work to raise kittens and I have no clue what we'd do with them. As previously mentioned, Arties also extremely small and I do not think she'd be able to just give birth without any major toll on her body. I swear though this isnt my fault because not only is my cat neutered, but Ive also been telling my parents that baby cat (hes almost a year old now or already is a year old) needs to be neutered or else he will get artie pregnant and look what happened. UGGGHHHh it just sucks though cause Id be fine with having more cats but I dont think most other family members, or our dog, would be happy to have more.

(3)There was also something really weird that I learned about this morning which was kinda weird because I was literally talking about this person in a blog post two days ago?? My best friend, whos tells me a lot of stuff and has already told me some stuff about this person, mind you that my best friend thinks of me as his best friend too, like its a mutually agreed upon thing thats very well known in our group cause we do a lot of stuff together, including planning to go to the same college and rooming together, like??? But anyways, my best friend has been telling me about the weird stuff this persons been saying for a while now, because hes kind of forced to talk to them in one of his classes. He doesnt mind them that much but he still doesnt really like them. He told me that a few days ago they said "hey your my best friend right?" and he literally straight up said "no.".... I swear I almost pissed myself laughing. No cause the other chick he and this person was with too gasped and let me tell you, its not like they hang out everyday or often at all, its literally just in this class, and also, its been known to this person that our friendship and the friendship with the other people in the group is significantly stronger than any bond hes formed with this person. And I know all of this might come off as bitchy or something but its just been a situation thats been brewing over the span of the school year and to see them say something so outright after asking so many different people is just kinda crazy. Its more of confusion and astonishment on my part because I feel like my friends made his opinions on his friends very clear, and also if you just pay attention to when we hangout its not like a secret or anything. Im just like mind exploaded and cogs are turning. Its just so weird because why do you want this guy so much?? Like you have a big friend group and have many people thatd consider you a best friend? Why try to do something with the one person whos made it obvious they dont want that? I dont know if its because my best friends awesome(because he is and thatd be a pretty good reason) or if its to distance me and him but I honestly have no clue, its really weird and genuinley not that big of a deal, it was just something I found interesting.

(4)I mean no ill will towards anyone I mention in these posts, its mainly things that happen that confuse me or like make me giggle. I also wanted to say that my best friend is the coolest and most genuine person Ive ever met, Ive never been able to connect with someone this much before and Id literally do ANYTHING for him.

(1)So I haven't made a blog post in like 4 days which I know isn't that long of a time to most other people who make websites n stuff but this is like the only place (place as in like a social kinda media or whatever) that I actually post on or change regularly. I kind of just wanted to make a bit of a life update and talk about a few things this past week I found interesting or whatever

(2)So starting off, I took my permit test a few days ago and it was honestly so surreal and not even because of like growing up or whatever, it was just cause of how fucking weird the DMV is and stuff and how I was so stressed about taking this stupid (kidding, its not stupid) test and it ended up not being as hard as I thought it'd be. I know its hard for others to take it, or at least some of the other people I know. Like this one kid at my school has failed it 3 times which isn't me calling him anything, its just that I thought Id end up doing something similar and I hate doing government stuff and have some major procrasination problems so I know that if I failed it the first time it'd take me a long ass time to take it again. I took it on the 10th and studied the night two nights before for about an hour and then the day of for about 2 which I thought was a pretty good amount. I was still extremely nervous though and it truly didnt help that my dad talked for like 30 minutes to the woman helping with the documents and stuff about how they get signs from god and stuff, which might sound weird (because it is lowkey) but my dad is a therapist and used to be a chaplin so hes all about that kinda stuff, especially when it comes to helping out others with their belief system and stuff. The lady seemed to be so messmerised by the stuff my dad was saying that she tried for like 20 minutes to find out where he works so she could get him as a therapist. Its really funny actually but at the time it was just kind of stressfully awkward. Its also not like she did this when I couldve been taking my test, the computer was down for a bit so we had to wait until someone came to fix it. Anyways, as I was taking my test, I was sweating my ass off thinking itd mess up somewhere or Id mess up somewhere, cause if you didn't know, you cant get a singular question wrong on the road signs, and I felt it in my bones that Id fuck up somewhere but I didnt and I was so incredibly relieved. And also when I was studying I forgot to mention that I didnt finish the entirety of the questions so there were some that I had no clue what the answer was. Im especially bad with remembering some numbers mainly when theres a bunch that are similar I need to memmorize like the ones on the test so when I got those questions on the second part I freaked out thinking that this was gonna be where I failed. I answered to the best of my ability though and I ended up gettig 28/30 on the second part, where you need 24/30 to pass which I was so relieved about. My total for the test was 38/40 and my dad was super proud of me and I lowkey felt like I was gonna cry cause of how much I stressed about it and how relived I was when I was finally done. Anyways, Im getting my actual card permit in a few days and Im so super excited cause rn I just have a paper one that someone spilled diet coke on.

(3)I also reached my goal size for everything on my face which Im so happy about. Im at a 12g for my septum which Im not planning on stretching up anymore, but if I did Id only go up to a 10g cause I like the jewlery. The main thing I reached was for my ears and Im at a 0g/8mm which is so insane cause Ive wanted to be this size for so long. I actually think I blew out my left ear a little bit, if not I at least tore it a bit and have a slight infection? Maybe? Its not that big of a deal though since Im done stretching my ears now so all I gotta do now is make sure theyre clean, hydrated, and healing properly. I did something really stupid and tried to switch out the jewlery yesterday and my other ear was fine but my left ear started tweaking hardcore and bleeding everywhere. It was entirely my fault though and I finally came to my senses to leave the jewlery I have in now and just wait it out until its fully healed(which is what youre supposed to do anyways).

(4)I also kinda feel bad about this but Ive been feeling like so insanely awesome lately and like I feel amazing about myself and like my friends and stuff. I feel bad about this cause there are other people I know that Im friends with or used to be friends with that arent doing so awesome rn, which for some of them its lowkey deserved which I know is a fucked up thing to say but some of these people really just need to mentally mature more or like get more character development??? No but when it comes to my friends and stuff I feel really bad genuinley because I know some of their situations are so bad, like one of my friends dads killed himself a month ago and it was so just like insane. Im not gonna share all the details duh but they werent close because he wasnt in their life but I still think it hit them hard even though they play it off. They seem so tired all the time and almost never wake up on time for school, which if you knew them its a big shift. I just love these guys so much and it pains me when theyre in pain. Im doing all I can though and Im so glad I could be in all of their lives as a positive thing.

(5)When it comes to some that Im not friends with though, its different because some of these people have literally jsut done it to themselves, like they dug themselves into a hole. Some of its just funny to me though because one of these people specifically, talk about me a lot to mutual friends, trying to figure out stuff about me and talk shit about me and literally, to one of my closest friends whose best friends with this person, they said "yo leons actually hot now? I still hate him though" which made me giggle so unbeliveably hard because I genuinley used to be so unappealing without realizing it. A lot of my friends have said Ive "glown up" recently which I belive its because I have a great friend group and good coping skills to the point where I could focus on other stuff, like what appearences fit me more and how I wanna look, which my friends helped me out on a lot. Mind you, its not like I talk to this person on the regular. I actually havent talked to them all year other than one or two sentences a month because I just dont clash with them so I dont talk to them. Its also just not hard to do because I dont have classes with them and they dont interact with my friend group whenever Im around (not often at least) so its not that big of a deal at all. I genuinley didnt think about them until a few weeks ago when one of my friends came up to me and told me they were asking questions about me and my best friends friendship which was so fucking weird. They also have a class with my best friend and talk to him there. He doesnt like her so whenever they do talk its just them yapping and he listens. He actually told me that they tried to talk shit about me TO HIM, and he shut them down so insanely fast. Then the other friend I was talking about earlier, the one who told me that thing about me being hot now or whatever, has told me that they talk about me a weird amount and actually get into arguments with this friend about how much she hangs out with me. Its just so tiring and weird and yucky.

(6)Yeah so that was my life update, thank you guys for 22 followers on Neocities, it might not seem like much but everyones really nice and its super cool to see a bunch of people that share my interests and that can relate to me. Things have been pretty normal I think lately but yk theres always something going on in highschool. I just wanted to yap about everything for a bit and this actually took me like 30 minutes suprisingly. Anyways thats all thank yall for reading.

(1)I came out literally 4 years and like 9 months ago. I actually just found out yesterday that my appearence has become a lot better to others, which I know sounds weird with the way I phrase it so I'm gonna do it differently: I found out that people actually find me attractive rn and that Im no longer considered to be as ugly as I was. To be specific, someone I know said "Leons actually hot now" which came as a massive suprise to me because I didn't think so so much. But then I started looking back at how people have spoken of me recently and Ive gotten a lot of compliments by a lot of people and Im so incredibly happy rn?? Its definetly not an extreme ego boost or anything and its not gonna change much instead of maybe how I view myself when Im feeling down? I also had a meeting with my therapist and she said to try on some clothes that fit and exentuate the qualities of myself I like or want to be more shown. Also this morning my ear hole was bleeding and I think I have a microtear or two and Im so mad bruh.

(2)I also have been feeling really good today about how I look. I tried to do what my therapist told me to do so I wore these old navy sweatpants that I dont wear often and they are my size. They are really comfortable and I think they fit great. I have some other pairs of pants that fit me similarly that Ive been nervous to wear that Im gonna try to start wearing more. Another thing Ive been doing is looking into other trans people, specifically trans men like me, because I find a lot of comfort in finding people like me so I know Im not alone. Its also great to find any tips I could use.

(3)Im just feeling really good rn and I wanted to write a blog post about it. Finally, Ive also been traveling through Neocities a lot this week and Ive found a lot of cool people making websites I really enjoy. I also commented and followed a lot of people, too.

(1)I hate ai with a passion and robots taking over or ai taking over is one of my worst fears. Like all time fears other than the sound of someone running towards me super fast. I really dislike AI and when it comes to art especially its one of the things I despise the most. I think it could be used for good, like my father uses it for help with writing his books, like just to gather his thoughts or to find information about something specific quickly. And both my parents use it for ideas for topics such as recipes, certain ideas of research, and many other basic things that they could google but its much more organized. AI is actually very useful when it comes to being used as a tool instead of an independent thing. Like when it comes to art, people use it as its own thing instead of using it for ideas and stuff. Its a stupid way to use it. I genuinley hope that theres a downfall in ai coming soon because it has bothered me so much how people rely on it so much when it comes to making art, or to save money by cheating artists. Its also not good for the mental health of elders. I know this sounds kinda weird but my meema literally sent me an ai video of a fat cat and a little asian baby cuddling. Like a 3 minute video with a bunch of clips of these ai creatures cuddling in different positions. Now that may not be a problem if the video is specified as ai, but this one, and most others, aren't. The comments were full of people 35 or so and above talking about how disgusting it is that this cat was obese and how unhealthy it is and how the owners need to take better care of it. Like fr, THIS VIDEO IS FAKE BRUH PLEASE. Its all coming from a good place for them but its directed at completely the wrong thing. Its just crazy how realistic these videos are becoming that people are struggling to tell which are real or not. I genuinley do not like ai and I try to my very hardest to avoid ai at all costs. Ai has become such a mainstream thing lately that so many different companies are implimenting the use of ai in their products and its such a hassle that I do not want to interact with at all. I think it could be used for good, but when rich people/successful multimillion or multibillion dollar companies try to use ai just to save money the money they don't even need is just so disgusting and it makes me sick to think about all the great artists that are losing their futures to these slobs just to save a penny. It pisses me off really bad and I truly wish that this'll all calm down and come to a stop soon. If not honestly I think we'll have a "I have no mouth but I must scream" or a "I, robot" or something situation. I think maybe the most realistic idea of whats gonna happen is either Ready Player One or that movie where the guy in the military goes to the future with this lady and everyones really stupid and everythings disgusting and overrun with the stupidest things ever. Its just really unfortunate and I hope these things resolve shortly.

(1)I started my ear stretching journey about two years ago, maybe more at this point. When I first started, it took me a few months, about 9 or so to get up to a 4g or 5mm which at the time was my goal size since it was considered the one you can stretch to without loosing the hope of your ear sealing back up. About 4-5 or so months after stretching to a 4g, I ended up deciding on a whim to shrink my ears down so I could fit these really cool bull skull studs in that were normal earring size. It took a while but I used this cream and it sealed them up a lot quicker.

(2)Fast forward about a year or so? I started stretching again which was about a month and a half ago, which none of this is healthy I swear do not follow in my footsteps but I am currently at a 1g or 7mm and its actually considered a inbetween size even though its a 1mm jump. My goal size right now is 0g or 8mm which I'm literally one stretch away from which Im so super excited about. This is literally so cool and awesome and you can actually see really well through my ears which I wasn't really expecting. This is weird but my goal is for my ears to look like netyris stretched ear from Avatar. I absolutely love that movie and I thought her ears were super cool so I wanted to get mine to look like hers.

(3)I also stetched up my septum a little bit, just from a normal piercing size to about 12g I think? I wasn't planning on stretching my septum when I first got pierced but I wanted it to be more visible and now I got this really visible facial peircing and its super cool. I don't want to stretch it more than 10g (which Im not planning on doing anyways) because I don't really like the look of the really big stretched septums, especially because its a really big trend rn to stretch your septum up suuuper big quick and I do not think it looks good on most people. I think majority people can pull off septum peircings really well but not when it comes to stretching it.

(4)Im really close to getting my braces off too, its only about a week until my last normal appointment, then I only have to wait about a month for my next appointment which is gonna be an examination of when I can get them off. I think my braces could get off my face any time now cause my jaw looks right and all my teeth are straight without gaps. I also wear my rubber bands like perfectly. I really want to get my braces off so I can get my dream peircing, snake bites/dolphin bites (whichever one fits my anatomy better).

(1)all fun and games til you realize the only reason people are so comfortable making certain jokes w you is cause nobody thinks anything of it since its so obvious no one would be like that with you seriously, like its all good everyone knows nobodyd like this guy seriously.

all jokes here tbh winter break has gone on too long and i miss routine and i feel like everyday im turning into a less attractive version of the oil monster from ferngully

Its also my bestfriend/exs birthday today and that just increases feelings for all things yk but i just wish i could spend that time w him rn but the roads are super slick rn and its also 5 in the morning and i need to sleep.

(1)I know the title sounds really weird but like, I swear this is like a constant feeling I have everytime I see an old man that looks cool. Like theres a teacher at my school thats not that old, hes just older than me (duh cause hes a teacher), and hes like exactly what I want to look like when Im older (or now but yk) and its like such a crazy feeling cause I know I don't like like him cause duh and it aint like that but its like "man I really want to look like him rn. why dont I? WHY DONT I RN???". This is what I'm telling you man, its so weird.

(2)Theres also some other examples of this I have, like this guy from another website here that I actually have saved on one of my other link under this on my page but I am not linking him cause awkwardness. I have a lot of people I feel that I can point out that I feel the same way with. Another is my favorite youtuber, Charlie Hilbert, whos this awesome ass old man thats so cool and funny. He also has a lot of really good opinions on things and hes really smart. Another guy that I want to be like (other than some of his political views) is my grandpa on my moms side, Shon. Hes such a cool guy and hes like what I want to be all in one personified form, yet again without the political views. Hes just really cool and I look up to him a lot. I feel like an old man is what I was meant to be on this earth and I don't know if its due to my transgenderism or something but its gotta be something cause I don't think this is normal.

(3)Its also almost christmas which is completely unrelated, but another example to me that Im growing older is how christmas feels like it comes super quick now. Like I just realized today that christmas is in 5 days and thats so unbelievebly insane to be, and I think to my parents too because they haven't bought me anything other than the things I hand to them in the store, which let me specify that I don't care whether or not my parents get me any gifts, I enjoy and cherish them of course, but I don't care whether or not they get me something I really like because if it came from them, its special anyways. That being said I still do enjoy when they get me things I like even when I don't tell them to.

Photo of me and my friends at the after party after the Christmas parade, I'm holding up the gay twizlers.

(1)So, two days ago was the last day we had any sort of band activity type thing for this school year (other than the band trip in spring but I don't really count that rn). It was a game on Saturday that we did and our team is considered one of the best in our state so we've been undefeated for a long time. It was the playoffs and we were against another really good team and in the end we lost by 1 point, 13-14, which was so crazy. If we did win we would've had to gone multiple hours away on a yellow bus for states so I didn't really want to do that but pretty much all of my other friends were secretly hyping it up and I think I might of felt the same too since it would've been a really cool experience. It was actually a pretty big disapointment to lose but I think it's good to be done now because of the holidays. Two of my friends actually started sobbing because we were at our final game without realizing it. I think the main things I'm gonna miss are going to games with my friends, performing infront of the school (suprisingly) and doing cool tosses and stuff, and I'm gonna miss our coaches a lot too cause they're really cool and awesome and I want to see them more. There's actually some questioning on whether or not we'll get to do winterguard which I would LOVE to do. It's in January and all we need is a place to practice, which is difficult cause it has to be indoors but because of how many activities my school has and how little it is it makes it much more difficult to find a good place to find a place like that. I just really hope we do because I love guard and my friends and everybody.

(2)There are some parts of guard that annoyed me a lot, like some of the freshman on the team. There were some that were kind of assholes and wouldn't listen to anything the coaches or our group leaders. There were some sophmores that did that too but they weren't doing it on purpose and I think that she genuinley couldn't hear that good, or at least understand what was being said. Overall though it was fine. One of the freshman girls didn't show up half the time though and then would complain about things she missed and how she didn't know what to do because she missed a bunch of the games and that we should be easier on her because its not her fault she missed these really important events she signed a contract saying she'd be there for at the start of band camp. Fun fact though, I don't even think she turned in her contract. I genuinley don't blame her for a lot of this though because she's in a lot of different difficult activities and seems to be having trouble balancing it all so idk. It wasn't that big of a deal though. There is a freshman me and my friends LOVE because shes literally so sweet and she tries so hard. We also have really similar music taste which is really funny because we look and act like opposites (kinda). It was also really funny because me and one of my friends whos actually extremely good at guard and my coaches favorite, Bella, and I would always talk about different people in the band and she was always having some sort of boy trouble or something and it was super fun to talk about. I had so much fun in guard and I'm so excited to do it next year (except for band camp cause that shit SUCKS) and I'm gonna miss doing it so much if we don't get to do winter guard.

(1)So to be completely honest, I was the spawn of satan in middle school. I was honestly just like a terrible kid, I was mean, an asshole, rude, all of that typa stuff. I had a good amount of friends then,too, but I was still an asshole to them and maybe even more to them than others. Not to mention, I was an ugly troll, I'm not even gonna lie I was hideous, maybe I still am but nothing compares to how I looked in like 8th grade. I had medium hair kind of that was to my ears and my hairs really heavy so it would sit flat on the top of my head and then be super curly on the sides whcih made me look so weird. I also had gained a bunch of weight and needed glasses. This was also the pinacle of traumatic experiences for me and I was coping with them terribly. Throughout highschool now I've worked extremely hard with a lot of discipline to better myself mentally and physically. I look a lot different now and my mental state is beyond better. I can say that right now and this year overall I have been the happiest I've ever been. I have an amazing group of friends that care about me and that I care about, my family and I get along great and I spend quality time with them, I joined a sport that I really enjoy with my friends that keeps me busy, I've found my own interests, I feel confident in the way I look and the way I act, Like Im a much better person than I ever was and I'm told how much I've changed by all my friends and even people outside of my friend group. Now, how I am right now doesn't unwrite who I was two years ago, and I deal with the consequences of what an asshole I was everyday. But I've made it known to those important to me that it wasn't their fault and that I was sorry for how I treated them. Last year (freshman year) was difficult for me, it was like a major turning point for who I was as a person. It's when I met my best friend and the person I care about most. It was also when I realized that no matter how hard you try to change yourself, there are others who won't see that change or won't accept it. There's also nothing I can do about that, theres nothing I can do about other peoples feelings or their actions. I like who I am now and I wouldn't change anything from my past. It's not my job to make others feel a certain way, all I or anyone can do is be the best person you can.

(2)Now the reason I mention this is that I had some pretty major beef (ig?) with some old friends over them being a dick to one of my other freinds that I care about a lot. I don't think they ever actually knew the reason I didn't talk to them but I think they assumed it was cause of 7th grade (which I don't even remember or care about anymore) which this was obviously just poor miscommunication on both parts. This person is going through a lot in their life rn so I don't blame them for any of this, its just kind of annoying to keep hearing about it. One of my friends was really close to this person and we were like in a fight then so it was kind of hostile between us. They felt really bad for the person and ended up telling them EVERYTHING I said about them which made them think I was super pissed about it or something which isn't wrong but it was definitley blown way out of proportion due to all the hostility between me and this friend. They were just mad at me for some stuff and yet again it was miscommunication that caused this. We're actually on pretty good terms now and they're one of my best friends. Yet again, this was all last year and honestly this year I haven't talked to this person pretty much at all because I no longer associate myself with them, its not in a mean way like avoiding them, I just don't talk to them. I don't give them bad looks or anything. Yet again, they're going through a lot rn and a lot of emotions and I don't really care about what they're doing cause its none of my business honestly. I haven't thought about them in a while until my best friend told me about how they blatantly talk shit about me to my best friend, some being about how I'm so super dramatic about this "beef" we have (which I no longer consider beef because it was a year ago), and just talks about me to andrew. They also stopped my best friend from coming to my class because they don't like us and didn't want to talk to us. This wouldn't bother me normally except said friend thinks that this person is their best and most valued friend and this sitch is just lowkey sad asf. They also asked my lesbian gf about me and my best friends friendship and kept asking about me and him which was so weird because I dont ever talk to them and I don't know whyd they ask that. My best friend is just such a cool and awersome person and I value him so much like when this person talks shit about me, he shuts it down so quick and writing this out makes me want to cry tears of joy cause of how lucky I am to find a friend like him.

(3)I just really wish this person would stop talking about me and just leave me alone. I don't think about them and didn't think about them til this new info came out and just want to go back to not thinking about them cause it was pretty nice not thinking about them. The last time I talked to them was literal months ago and other than seeing them in the hallway I don't even interact with them. Im just really confused with this whole thing and just want it to stop like it did a few weeks ago (or at least when I thought it stopped). This whole thing isn't meant to bash this person or anything, this is just where and how I express my thoughts and kind of just gather my thoughts. I don't care that much about them talking about me, its mainly cause they're asking other people about my personal life which I think is kinda weird. But yeah thank you for reading my ted talk.

(4)I always want to just write paragraph on paragraph on how much I love my friends and my life and just everything but I know if I started doing that it'd be damn hard to stop so I'm not going to but I'm just so thankful to every person in my life and how much they have helped me though these rough times and I'm so glad I met My best friend and that I had the honor to meet these wonderful people that I've become new friend or just better friends with this year. I love my life so much because of them and I don't think I would be anywhere near the perosn I am today without them.

(5) Speaking of how much I love my friends, We're having a secret santa this year and I just finished the main gift for my person. The budget was 20 bucks and I went slightly over than that but a lot of it was materials. I think the person I got for secret santa will really like my gift (or at least I hope they do) cause I tried to put a lot of thought into it and its probably one of the best things I've ever made(not because of what they are, more because of how I made them and what I did to make them (?))

(1)I came out as a transgender man about a month or so after the pandemic started. I was about 11 when it happened and I've been on that journey of transitioning since. I am not yet on testosterone and will most likely not go on it until I am 18. I have been on medication to slow my estrogen production for about 2-3 years now and I pass pretty well. I spent both middle school and highschool out so I've definitley had my fair share of transphobic and homophobic experiences.

(2)Starting off, I'm not gonna be talking about some of my older experiences with these things because it was by people the same age as me and they were misinformed and had yet to form their own opinions on things. I'm gonna be talking mainly about the last few years of highschool and maybe I'll sprinkle in things earlier than that.

(3)I'm known as the trans kid in my school. For the past few years, people I've never even seen know that I'm trans and have already formed their own opinions on me. This has only changed in highschool, it seems that no one now cares enough to tell others I'm trans which is great cause then people don't learn about my deadname and spread it around. Passing really well also helps with this. I don't see myselef as a woman, I don't think I ever did. I've had conversations with my family members about what it means to be trans to me and its helped tremendously to find out more about myself. There used to be a lot of people who identified as transgender in my school during the pandemic and since then only one other person that I know still identifies that way and he's thriving with his very gay boyfriend and is one of my best friends. Some of these other people though, were doing it because it was a trend at the time. I know that being transgender as a trend is a highly debated topic in certain groups and I want to say that not all trans people are doing it as a trend, like me and some of my friends, and even if they are, its a journey of self discovery and at the time we were in middle school which makes that journey much more difficult. People who have detransitioned like this (Ill be referring to them now as detransitioners) have now decided that any other trans person who identified like that at the time are all either lying or confused and aren't really trans. This annoys me to my core because who are you to tell me what I am or what I'm not. There are also some people who have made comments about what bathroom I go into and sometimes even watch me go into them (YUCK). I don't even use the boys bathroom unless the SS bathrooms are closed cause its gross but for some reason every time I do theres someone that sees me and tells others. I just want to become like invisible in the eyes of others in the way that I dont want people to pay attention to me as much as they do in that way. I've also had experiences of comments and slurs called to me but I could care less because its not my problem.

(4)When it comes to being trans on the internet, people have become way to comfortable with these short form content apps because people will give their opinions of trans people or queer people in general and with how short the videos are you can't explain everything and all the nuances with everything. There are so many trans people who start becoming so heavily transphobic after passing or detranstitioners who become really transphobic and both of them spread some really harmful misinformation that can cause some pretty bad damage to trans people who just came out or have yet to come out. People need to stay out of other peoples lives and what they do with their bodies. This includes in both political and social sense.

(5)Lastly, I wanted to say how fucking mean people are to transwomen on the internet AND IN PERSON is absolutely insane. Literally every trans woman I have ever met or seen on the internet have been normal people who just happen to be trans. Like they are some of the nicest people I've seen and they can be so cool and deserve so much more. People make generalizations so heavily with transwomen like how some of them (cough cough Kris Tyson) were found to be predators or have done bad and criminal things but so has literally every other group of people on earth (not saying everyone in said groups does it AT ALL but there have been people found of doing these things in pretty much every minority or every group like that yk) so these acts shouldn't be associated with one group of people. I heavily disagree with any generalization of people, especially when it comes to more marginalized groups because everyone is so vastly different in their thinking processes and experiences that you can't just relate something like that to this group. Transwomen have also been detested by other parts of the queer community which is so absolutely insane because trans people of the past are literally the main reason why queer people have this many right rn. Its just so messed up how people debate these peoples identities and their lives and sometimes just straight up call them not human its insane. Trans women deserve so much more than we give them and I wish everyone had a transgender friend to just hang out with cause they can be such cool people (yet again not all of them). I mainly wrote this cause there was this woman I saw a video of and she was really cool and nice so I followed her and she posts a bunch of cool stuff so it was cool. Then I did more research and stuff obviously it wasn't this one person, she just sparked my interest.

(6)Also with this I wanted to say that I've been so insanley comfortable with my identity recenetly, like my birth name doesn't even bother me anymore, like its still apart of me but it literally just no longer reminds me of myself. I'm just extremely thankful to all my friends and family for supporting me and allowing me to connect with them like I have. They are some of the coolest and sweetest people I know and without them I wouldn't have made it this far.

(1)The internet can bring so much stress and anxiety on to people its insane. I say this because I had a discussion with my english teacher about how having access to the internet can be good but also have detrimental effects on the way our brains react to hearing bad information. An example of this is my grandpa, who talks about police violence everytime we see him to the point where my dad had to tell him to stop (he lives right next to us so we hear it a lot). He has no current criminal or even dangerous behavior anywhere around him, the only place where he gets this information that stresses him out is the internet. He's another good example of how misinformation sucks and is a very prominent part of how people think. My english teacher believes in some things she's made known to the class that is made up of misinformation, things shes not even technically supposed to be telling us. Believing misinformation doesn't make these people dumb, the only time when I'd consider someone stupid is if they don't try to sort out misinformation for truth. I just feel like as a child, I shouldn't be able to point out obvious misinformation or just straight mistruth in the adults around me. Like sometimes its things that even a quick google search can solve.

(2)Which brings me to my next point is that when phones were invented,or even now, its not like all adults took classes or read books on how these phones worked and what type of things they can be used for or how to properly control them, sure some did but not enough to make them use them in a smart way. Giving kids access to unrestricted internet at such a young age has such a bad effect on how these kids function. Then adults complain (mostly to me for some reason) about how kids these days don't interact with one another and how different they are from past generations, which my english teachers point was that people aren't hiding things from their kids anymore which I disagree, I think that parents let their kids access information without talking them through it or helping them understand it. Virginia is banning phones in school from bell to bell, which my english teacher yaps about nonstop. I agree that this could be a good thing and be helpful, but its the way they're talking about it is what I have the problem with. I asked my english teacher about the kids at lunch that don't like or want to socialize so they spend the time on their phone, because our lunch is an HOUR long and it's difficult for some to spend that much time talking to others, and she said that they'll "help the kids get out and talk to eachother" which made me cringe.

(3)Generations change so much when it comes to the way they interact with eachother. Like we don't interact the same way that you did as a kid because literally everything around us has changed and you literally can't do some of the things you could when you were a kid. Like when it comes to teenagers hanging out in public places. My friends and I have been kicked out or yelled at in so many places just for literally being there. Like we don't even interact with others but will be yelled at if we don't immedietly purchase something to show that we aren't there to steal or loiter. My grandma said something that urked me so so bad. A little background to this is that my grandmas sister has a coffeeshop that is starting to go out of business due to not being able to function during covid. My grandma said "Its because their shop is filled with teenagers who don't purchase anything, just sit there and scare everyone away" and then complained about how they were the ones running the coffeeshop out of business. People just don't know how to take responsibility for their own actions and try to understand how things are around them. I understand that Im biased when it comes to talking about some of this stuff becuase Im currently a transgender, gay, mental problems having, teenager. But the way I was brought up is that peoples actions can be explained and not everythingis surface level or black and white. There's deviation to these, things change, things evolve, people are different and how they think or act changes. I just wish more people took the time to understand things outside of their comfort zone, things bigger than them, and leave me to keep being a dumb kid that doesn't have many responsibilities but they keep stressing out me and my friends to grow and develop and become an adult already to start contributing without any of the support that they had.

(4)I get that I'm not perfect (obviously I swear im not tryna wonk my own willy or nothing) and that I have my own faults when it comes to how people think and how things are, my brain isn't even fully developed yet, or even close I mean I'm still 10 years out. But I'm able to try, Im able to talk things through because I try to understand things without jumping to conclusions, and I know that I fall under the stereotypical teenager mindset with some of the things I say but I feel like when you live through a global pandemic and everything thats going on now, and a massive isolation, that you get to have some room to speak on how these things affect you (I know Im messing up some of these affect/effect vocab but shut up). Kids and teens rely on the adults around them so much in order to develop things and when these pieces are taken out and replaced with something fake and infinite, like the internet, no wonder kids are gonna start acting differently and not develop the same way/the same speed as they used to. Adults complain and complain and complain without taking their own actions into consideration. Or they know whats going on but they have no motivation or no push to do anything about it, they continue to be a bystander which hopefully we all learned how bad that is and how that can worsen things ten fold.

(5)With me saying this, I don't mean to be like jaiden smith or anything (not that hes wrong or anything) its just difficult to see all of this knowing its almost impossible to do anything about it at this age. Like I haven't been able to act like an actual kid in so long until like this year because I started pushing adults that said that kind of stuff out of my life and filling it with people who can make me happier and make me enjoy this time that I have on earth more. I mean seriously, the time I spent in quarantine is different than most I think, I spent over 9 months in my room with the lights off sitting in my bed only leaving for the most basic nessecities. Obviously this caused problems, and its taken me a lot to be able to come back from it. Moral of this is that people need to interact more with others they can relate to, not just on the internet, and not those you don't want to be around. This ended up being a lot longer than I was intending and talked about a lot more than I was originally planning but I think I kinda got my point across.

(1)This was a pretty crazy thanksgiving (not more than last year when we got into a car accident) but it was still pretty crazy. I accidentally quit all of the medication I was on cold turkey, which with the medication I was on (anxiety, depression yadayada), I got so sick omg it was insane. I went through some major withdrawls without even thinking whether or not they were withdrawls. Like I thought that I was just really really sick (for friday I was so some reasoning) but actually I was just accidentally quitting every medication I was on cold turkey out of the blue for a week. It was pretty interesting though and the only side effect that I'm still experiencing that I know of is that I have some pretty bad hearing problems right now. I can't hear that good and my voice sounds so much louder and more prominent than any other (which is most likely from congestion or something) but I definetly don't think it's something to worry too much about lol. After taking my medication today though for the first time in over a week, other than a headache, I feel absolutely amazing and I'm chilling out. Also the site that I draw all my stuff on, Jspaint, has a really cool christmas/holiday theme and I'm digging it so hard and it looks super cool (except for the colors, bring my colors back yo (kidding)).

(2)OH! Also Im at a 6g (4mm) for my ear stretching journey which last time I got to a 4g so this is like so super close to getting to my goal size which is like a 0g or a 00g (probably a 0g) and I'm only like 4 stretches or so away from my goal size which is so cool!! I also think I'm getting my braces off soon (around 2 more or so visits, next ones on the 16th) which mean I can get my lip piercing(s) soon!! I hope to get a single labret in the center or dolphin bites that are just a little bit farther apart but not far enough to be snake bites. Im so super excited for these piercings because I've been waiting to get this piercing for months now and have been debating which one to get cause its out of snake bites (which I feel is kind of basic and I dont like the placement on my face), a center labret (which I like a lot,but I'd like to get 2 piercings), and dolphin bites which are relativley rare and I think they look super cool and I like all the jewlery that you can use with it.

(3)Here are some photo examples of the size I'm at and my goal size and a photo of what dolphin bites are. I found all of these images on google btw after just searching the specific sizes and dolphin bites.

(1)I've had a lot of dysphoria lately. I'm not even gonna lie man I've just had a shitty time lately and I have no actual reason for it, like so much has happened recenyly and it's so hard to find a reason to keep going, not even in like a suicidal way but more of a phylisophical way. So many things have been making me tired and just everythings so exhausting. Specifically with the trans part, I've worked so hard thoughout these past few years and it feels like there are moments where it feels like it's for nothing. I try to remind myself about all the work I've put into myself but when im talking to my cisgender male friends it just feels so degrading that I'll never be an equal, I'll never be seem as someone like them. It's so hard to explain. I love being trans and the amount of expierences it allows me to be apart of, but when I have to feminize myself for others, whether it's friends or family, whether it's to comfort them or to make them feel better about being around me, it's so difficult and tiring. I don't think I've ever been this tired. Mind you I'm writing this at 10:22, I'm so tired, and have been pushing myself non stop mentally and physically for the past few months. Everythings okay probably and theres nothing to worry about but like damn dude I need an interest or something to get my mind off of this stuff yo (just finished breaking bad)

hes so me core (I got this from pinterest)

Christmas

Personal Post, Nov 14, 2024

(1)I didn't end up regauging my ears because they got super angry cause I went up to quick but now they went back to thier normal size and I can put earings in without them getting mad which I haven't been able to do in like 3 months. I'm kinda stressed for the upcoming holidays, mainly christmas, because I have to spend that time in other families house (who don't know I'm transgender) which sucks since I don't have access to any of my normal stuff and I have to leave my cat at home (its only an hour away) because they have like 6 dogs, some of which are massive. Its not that I don't like all dogs but I am most def a cat person and don't ever want my own dog (unless its a roomate or somethings dog and I don't have to take care of it). Anyways, I mainly put this just to talk about christmas so, starting that now. Theres this youtuber I really like called Jvscholz (i think thats how you say it) and he got this phone like two years ago and it was this tiny andriod phone called a unihertz jelly 2 and I wanted it soo bad but now they made a second one and I wanted that for christmas but its 200 dollars and I don't know if it matches my phone service or how to do any of that so I might not end up getting it. Another thing on my list though is a laptop because one of my friends has one and they play minecraft java on it and I absolutely love minecraft and would love to play it but I wouldn't be able to do it with them since I just have bedrock. I've wanted a computer for a while though and never thought it was an obtainable goal since I thought they were all thousands of dollars but now I found out that my parents would be willing to buy me a not so expensive one that can play minecraft, allow me to do coding, and let me listen to mp3s!! I think that would be so cool and I want it soo bad!!!

(1)Schools been really on and off for me lately. I haven't enjoyed it as much as I used to think I did if that makes sense. I think I'm growing more as a person right now/having some major mental growth and development and I hate when this stuff happens. I shaved majority of my head except the top and tried to re-gauge my ears. It just kinda feels like I'm going crazy with worry.

(1)I won't say that I didn't see this coming because from the start I think it was pretty obvious what direction it was going to go to. It's still unfortunate the results in my opinion. As a trans kid in America I think that this is gonna make things a lot more difficult for me in the upcoming years especially if me and my family decide it's time for me to go on testosterone. It's hard to just think of myself during this though because other people in my community must be going through it right now. It's so important to talk to people and to try to get the help you need. I just know trump becoming president is going to increase the trans teen suicide rate (and suicide rate in general) and it's just like a sinking feeling that theres nothing I can do about that other than help the people I know and to try and give support to everyone I can. I just really wish it didn't end up this way and some miracle happened but obviously that's not what happened. I feel so incredibly bad for trans kids with unsupportive parents right now. Just everyone know that they're loved, this is only for four years and that's gonna fly by and before you know it everything will be okay.

(2)Not that many people will read this but still, heres the link to The Trevor Project where you can find the suicide hotline, counselors, more people in the community, and much more. Just know that there is help out there and people care about you.

(1)Politics suck, everybody sucks, voting sucks, the electoral college sucks, every state sucks, you suck. No cause seriously this is bullshit why'd we come up with this system in the first place. We need better structure just fucking throw it all away and redo it please. (I'm extremely exausted and bored right now cause I'm in math class)

(1)It's a day before election day and I feel really disoriented and just out of it. I'm scared that these will be my final few days that I have freedom over myself. I know theres a big chance of the other team winning as well but the fear of the orange man winning is still prominent and probably will stay that way until the elections over. Thats how it was the last few years, the only difference is that I know more now. Other than that, a lot of my friends have been breaking up with their partners, which the people who have, their boyfriends were terrible and I'm very glad that they are no longer together. The guy one of my friends were with is a really creepy guy and today during lunch he was standing directly behind me listening to everything we were saying. This guy also beat me up on numerous occasions and says he has no recolection of it so that's another red flag. I feel really different from people. There's always a feeling I have that no matter how close I get to someone or no matter how much I relate to them I'm still going to be alone with my experiences and thoughts. There's no one that will fully understand everything I've gone through, and I'll never understand the full extent of what other people have gone through. Kinda crazy lowkey.

(1)Finally had my second homecoming, it was actually pretty fun. I'm an extreme introvert and struggle with big events. I tend to go on autopilot (in which I get extremely annoying out of fear of being awkward) which makes me really uncomfortable and obviously I end up regreting some of the things I say or do when I get like that. Anyways, me and a very large group of friends (12 to take photos and 10 going out to eat) went to a relatively local nature park to take photos. There were so many parents there that it looked like they were paparazi taking photos of celebrities. Everyone looked so nice though and the photos came out really good. After that, we went to olive garden to eat before the dance. By the time we got there, I wasn't feeling too well since we had such a massive group of people. It was still fun though, the food was really good, the waiter was amazing and really nice, and I had a great time. There was some problems when it came to the check and I ended up having to pay double. After that, we went to the dance and at that point I was kind of shut down but we got in and it was the most anticlimactic event I've ever walked into. Nobody was dancing, the music was blaring and everyone was off in their own little groups and I bursted out laughing. We ended up dancing for a while but it was kind of awkward and boring until they started playing songs that people actually dance to like murder on the dancefloor, hot to go, fien, and more. I ended up having so much fun and talked to a lot of people but I felt to sick so I ended up going home early (very glad that I did). The local icecream shop just got a new van and ended up parking in front for people who were leaving so I got a coffee milkshake and left. It was overall really fun and I really enjoyed it but I'm done with big events for a while.

Me, my mom, and my two friends went to go see the 1922 movie Nosferatu synched to radioheads Kid A and Amnesiac. (I'm the one in the black Jack Daniels Hoodie)

This was genuinley such an amazing experience and it was so cool to see all the people who were also interested in it since a lot of them were also alternative. The movie was also really good which I wasnt expecting. I know it really shaped future films but it really deserves the credit it was amazing.

(1)Recently, especially after getting really into neocities and the personal web, I've heard a lot of discourse surrounding spotify and their use of not only ai but poor business practices and they're just overall bad way of listening to new music. I've had a problem when trying to find new music that really bothers me. Whenever I tried to find new music, I would get met with songs that I had heard before from tiktok. I try to get off tiktok as much as possible and the songs get very repetative. Literally any time I listen to a song I like that happens to be trending on tiktok at the time, It ends up playing more songs that people who use tiktok listen to, and I'm just like "I'm not trying to listen to these tiktok songs why do they keep showing them to me even though I'm purposley avoiding them??". It's extremely annoying so I decided to make a change.

(2)Pandora still has some problems, like it's add problem and the music selection, but overall it has been so much better than my use of spotify. I have already heard so many new songs that I've never heard before that I really like. I'm so excited to keep using it and listening to more music. The overall layout is so much easier for me to use too and I like it a lot. It doesn't have as much customization when it comes to playlists but I really like their use of stations because you can still make playlists with the songs you like (if you watch an add beforehand but still) and it still works pretty much the same. This mainly only applies to me but I use a school chromebook the most for listening to music since phones are banned and I'm not allowed to wear bluetooth headphones (and until I get a new phone I'm stuck with having no headphone jack) which is difficult to work with since the school chromebook pretty much bans anything it sees as video entertainment which spotify added podcasts or whatever that allows you to put videos in. Until recently they had youtube banned which sucked since then there was no way to listen to music before I heard of pandora. Now that I have pandora, after my teacher was the one who mentioned it to me, I created my own account at home and started to listen to music and it has been an awesome experience. I just hope that I don't hear pandora doing shtty things cause then that would suuuuck.

(3)I also recently have been collecting dvds and more cds which I didn't already have a collection of. I also found some of my moms old cds from when she was a teenager and I struck gold. I found the donnie darko soundtrack, the rocky horror soundtrack, nirvana albums, nimrod albums, pearl jam, radiohead, pixies, limp biskit, and more. It was so awesome and I burned a bunch of them onto my mp3 player and my flash drive that I trade with my friend. It's so awesome but it took me like 3 hours to figure out what was the best way to burn the cd into mp3. But now I have a bunch of ways to listen to music and I'm super excited to burn more cds. My friend is also super excited because they also have a lot of cds they'd like to burn and now that I learned how to do it they can too.

(1)I got the stuff I need for homecoming which is great and it's coming tomorrow (friday). I'm currently sitting in class wearing literally the shortest and thinnest shorts I have not realizing this morning that it's gonna be the coldest day of the year so far. My mom dropped off some pants for me to wear on her way to work so thank god. My school's been out of Coke which is what I drink the most and I've been testing out other drinks they have and the one I got today is this grape powerade and it tastes terrible (I only took one sip). I'm gonna see if any of my friends wants it but if not I'm just gonna put it in my fridge at home and it'll be gone eventually. Since my concussion, I haven't been able to retain any new knowledge other than like computer, cd, and coding stuff which makes it difficult to do tests and stuff. The marching band performs in two days for homecoming and I'm super excited because we get to perform in the parade which hasn't been done in a long time since its been almost a decade since my school has has a fully filled and active color guard. Super excited.

(1)This is my first time making an actual blog post about myself and like my life. I recently had a concussion (still kinda do) and it's made me spend an a*sload of time out of colorguard which really sucks. I absolutely love colorguard and the people on it. I think it's so cool and I'm so happy that I get to participate. Last week I took a few days off of school because my concussion got worse and I got sick which obviously didn't help my concussion. So I've pretty much been just laying in my house doing nothing (obviously I did do some stuff to keep up with work and everything) but I'm super behind now and it's super confussing because I'm still obviously not better but if I keep staying behind in my classes I'll never catch up. I'm mainly worried about colorguard though because I'm also behind in that and I don't want to get kicked off the team. I should be getting cleared for my concussion this Friday but it's at 8am and ITS LITERALLY HOCO DAY AND A HALF DAY. Like I'm already gonna be missing school work but then I find out I'm missing the pep rally and who knows what else.
(2)I also got increased on my new medication and it has not helped at alllll. Like it's for focus and stuff cause I have adhd but all I've been able to focus on is this stupid website. I have work I could be submitting right now but I'm just typing all this out instead. I'm gonna go submit some stuff.

Movie Review, Jan 16, 2025

(1)So I watched this movie yesterday and it was such a heart breaking movie Im not even kidding. I wanted to watch it and its been on my watch list for a while. I asked my parents to watch it with me and they also found the movie really sad. During the last 10-20 minutes of the movie I was just sobbing my eyes out. It was such a beautiful movie and it has some of my favorite actors in it. It also has Courtney Love in it which my mom likes her a lot. The movie started off pretty fast and there were many time skips that were a little confusing but about halfway through the movie it started to slow down a bit other than some of the few years long time jumps. Even though some of the time jumps were confusing, I think the movie was good anyways. It had a really interesting plot and I really liked the main character, Larry Flynt even though he was a bit of an asshole. I know this guys a real person too so I just wanted to say that I know nothing of the real larry flynt or anything hes actually done, if hes done anything bad I dont mean that I like how he is in real life, I like the character that Woody Harrelson portrayed. I laughed so many times to this movie and I thought it was hilarious. I just want to specify that this movie does not have a good ending and it actually ends in a really depressing way. Theres also a lot of nudity in this movie obviously. I really like courtney loves character as well. Her character was so depressing and at the end when larry made all of his coworkers shake her hand because they wouldnt when he wasnt there because she has aids made me SOB. It was so incredibly sweet and this movie has some of the themes that pull on my heartstrings the most. God, when larry couldnt drag her out of the bathtub because he was wheelchair bound (he wouldnt of been able to save her anyways) made me so incredibly sad like I was crying real tears to the point where my eyes were puffy. This movies so good though. Its an amazing film and the actors and actresses did an amazing job with the performances. I also really liked Edward Nortons character. Its great, go watch it.

Movie Review, Jan 14, 2025

(1)This is a relativley old movie. I watched this for the first time like a decade ago at this point. Holes was a movie I grew up with pretty heavily. I honestly think its the movie I watched the most in my life. I would put this on whenever I didnt know what else to watch or whever I wanted to watch something warm hearted and downright awesome. No cause this movies genuinley so good. My mom and I were talking in the car two days ago and mentioned holes to one of my friends and they said they never watched it. My mom and I then went on a tangent about how good the movie was and how deep some of the topics were that it talked about. Its a really great movie thats really important to my family. Its something that my parents quote often and have been held in a high regard for most if not all of my life.

(2)Now, why is this movie so important and great? This movie goes into so many topics without it being overwhelming to the plot. My mom, whos the head of the psychology department for the college she works at, and teaches psychology, has made many references to a lot of the topics she teaches with the movie holes. She brings up that movie quite often because of how many topics the movie touches on. Getting into these topics is kinda difficult though because of how many there are. One of the main ones is generational trauma. Stanley Yelnats whole thing is that his no good dirty rotten pig stealing great great grandfather cursed his family by not fufilling a deal with this wise old woman. This causes turmoil for every single man in his family. They all blame him for how their life turned out. This curse has been passed on for generations and the trauma and fear from it has spread along with it. When it reaches stanley, he gets sent to this "summer camp" after being accidentally arrested for stealing a famous persons shoes from a homeless shelter. The person who actually stole the shoes, and eventually becomes stanleys best friend that he meets at the camp, is the wise old womans great great or however so grandson. Stanley ends up breaking the curse while trying to find Hector(the grandson, also known as Zero) and carries him up a mountain which was a part of the deal the woman made. This was the end of the generational curse put on the family. Another example of generational trauma is the whole reason they made camp greenlake in the first place. In a story Ill get into more detail with later, a man and his wife who own this lake end up losing their money to kissing kate who says she burried her treasure somewhere in camp greenlake. They end up digging and digging continuously to the point where they pass the digging on to their kids and their kids so forth. Eventually it gets to the warden, and she makes the kids dig to look for this treasure. She is a very troubled person and its shown really well in the story when stanley and hector end up finding the treasure. It seems she reverts back into her younger self and her obsession thats been passed to her about finding this treasure.

(3)Theres also many topics of racism in this story and shows how absolutely vile society was. In the 1800s a school teacher ends up falling in love with an onion man named Sam. Sam is black which is very important to the story. Hes a very helpful person and the town respects him at the start. The things he sells help everyone and no one seems to have a problem with him. The school teacher, Kate, is a very beautiful woman that the owner of the lake has feelings for. Her schoolhouse ends up having problems with its structure and Sam decides to help Kate fix everything and the schoolhouse ends up looking amazing. Eventually, its late at night and Sam had just fixed something for Kate in the schoolhouse. Sam ends up kissing Kate and the owner of the lake ends up seeing and gets drunk and gathers a mob of the men in town. Sam had already left heading across the lake when Kate tries to stop the mob from hurting Sam. The man who owns the lake is furious and says "you could kiss him, but he cant kiss you" because a white woman was allowed to initiate that kiss but a black man was not. They end up shooting Sam on his way across the lake in front of Kate. Kate, after seeing the love of her life be murdered by these townsfolk for being a black man (and because of jealousy), ends up going by the name of Kissing Kate Barlow and kills and robs people until her death next to sams boat. Because of Sams death (I believe), the lake dries up and becomes a wasteland. This is just so so so sad and is such a sad story. Its so fucked up how all of this played out and honestly to get the full story and stuff you should really watch the movie.

(4)Theres many many other topics I didnt get into like with hectors mom, the other boys at the camp, and with hectors story as a whole but I might come back to it eventually. I honestly just really recommend everyone watch this movie. And if they dont get it the first time they should just keep watching it over and over again until they finally grasp it. Its a kids movie so its not like a hard watch or anything so this has gotta be introduced to everyone. Read the book too because it touches on each of the storylines a lot more in depth and is also a really good book. This is just such an amazing story and Ive based so much of my life on it. Just watch it.

Movie Review, Dec 13, 2024

(1)So I'm very late to writing this, I actually watched this movie multiple months ago, like two months after it came out. This is genuinley my favorite movie of 2024. Recently, I've has some problems with thte way movies look and feel that have come out this year. The main problems I've had with the movies that have come out this year is that they genuinley aren't good. Like there are so many movies that came out this year that sucked and I hated every minute of it (the garfield movie), to the point where I feel like I wasted valuable time in my life watching a movie that is so ass. This movie, was the complete opposite. I love this movie so much and I thought it was so cool and well written. It does have some similarities to John Wick, some pretty major ones that seem like it could be a copy? but I don't see it as similar as some people make it out to be. This movie was so cool and I loved all the action scenes in it. I LOVED Dev Patels acting in this and he's become one of my favorite actors because of this movie. Hes so cool in this and everything he does feels so real and so cool I just love it so much.

(2)One of the main points I want to touch on is the inclusion of transgender women in this movie. They were so cool and I was so glad that when they included them in the movie they didn't make them out to be like weird or the villans as so many other pieces of media do. I don't know a lot about the cultural backgrounds of this movie so there are most likely some things I missed, especially when it came to the trans people in the movie. I just thought it was really cool all the ways they included them in the fight scenes and how their characters worked around during fighting. It was really cool and I thought the fight/action scenes were so fye. I also like a lot of the religious parts of this movie. I always love when they include religious aspects to movies because, if done right, it can make the movie so much deeper and cooler.

(3)The cinematography in this movie was also so incredibly good. The COLOR OMG. I just remembered how insanley beautiful all the scenes are with the colors and stuff omg. I love emphasis on color in movies because it can be used so much to show parts of the characters and the scenes and stuff. Its such a cool thing to add so when they added such a big amount of stuff like that in this I was so happy cause it was all so cool. The scene with the house burning down was also really cool even though it was so terribly depressing. It was really hard to watch that scene because of how freaking sad it was. I felt so bad for Kid in that scene it was insane. I also love wrestling scenes and the inclusion of underground fight clubs because those scenes look so amazing. I love dev patel in the mask fighting so much, it was what hooked me on this movie in the first place. Every scene was just so intense and I really liked the ending even though the main character, Kid, dies. It was overall just really good and probably one of, if not, my favorite movie that came out in 2024.

Movie Review, Dec 11, 2024

(1)So I've sat on this movie for quite a while just so I can really feel deep inside how I felt about it/my final thoughts about it. I honestly thought that I'd eventually completely forget this movie because I do tend to do that when it comes to some movies. I haven't forgotten any of this though and I actually think about it often. I really like this movie and its so beautifly made, shot, and written. The relationships between all the boys and the relationship they had with their english teacher, Mr. Keating, was so heartwarming and such a genuinley beautiful way to express a healthy form of masculinity. I think that everybody should have a Mr. Keating in their life at some point.

(2)I started this movie many times and haven't been able to really stick with it until about a month ago when I watched it all the way through. The start of this movie goes quite slow, with it taking a while to get through the exposition and the introduction of all the characters. About 20 minutes or so in, it becomes this amazing and deep story about these boys in this private school who want so much more than theyre allowed to, but they don't realize it until Mr. Keating comes in and tells them about poetry and teaches them in a way that theyve never seen before, things are more interactive for them and they have fun while learning these things that all of them are interested in. They all grow such an attachment to Dead Poets Society because its their escape. its their way to be truly themselves without fear of being punished or shamed. Its just so beautiful to see these young men go through this journey of self discovery that would have never happened if someone didn't take the leap and try to go out of their way to reach these boys.

(3)My favorite character in this movie is Charlie Dalton, or later known as Nuwanda. I really relate to him, and its kind of difficult to understand how really I relate to him but I really connect to him and I enjoy every single scene hes in. I think hes such a good character and one of the only scenes in this movie I cried to was closer to the end when he gets kicked out of the school and hes crying and tells Todd to remember to call him Nuwanda. Its such a sweet scene and it really shows the depth of the characters because he was always seen as this brave and fearless character but in reality he cares for his friends and misses Neil so much and doesn't actually want to leave the school and all his friends. Hes scared for his future and for himself, but not only that, hes scared for his friends and what might happen to them. He just stops caring after Neil dies, he stops caring about what happens to him. Hes such a good character I really like him.

(4)I love this movie so much and this is just such a beautiful film Id recommend anyone.

Movie/Show Review, Dec 9, 2024

(1)I just finished the three devilman otv things from the 1980s to 2000s and they were really good and I really enjoyed them. I really like devilman and I've been wanting to get into devilman for the past few years and finally had the nerve and time to do it and thank god I did cause it was so good and so cool. I watched devilman crybaby a few years back and it hurt so bad but it was so good. I knew at the time that there were other parts of the devilman franchise but I never thought to get into really until this year after stubling upon a tiktok account (yikes I know) with this really fucking weird guy who I've been following for a while and he actually just got a really cool devilman tattoo and it made me realize how much of devilman I had yet to interact with. This is where I started to try to watch all of the otvs. I watched the first one at midnight on my bed, the next one I think I watched on my couch, and the third one I actually watched at a football game in between the times we were supposed to be performing. My friends kept peering over at the nudity whenever it would come on screen cause they didn't know what I was watching. When I told them they actually cringed which was really funny but lowkey understandable. Devilmans so weird and kinda freaky so it was definitley embarassing to have watched all of it but I still think it deserves the hype it gets and more cause its really good (its lowkey fie) and I really enjoyed it. I think it could do with less freakiness but I know it was apart of the orginial mangas and stuff so I don't reallly care. I'm also on the ace spectrum so that affects a lot of what media I consume. Its one of the reasons why I found the freakiness a little too much.

(2)It was really good though and yk if it wasn't so weird I'd recommend it to more people. I really enjoyed the movies though and I thought they were so so good. They were genuinley some of the best anime movies I've ever watched and its crazy how much it inspired other animes and stuff. You can tell the different pieces that inspired other shows and stuff like there are individual pieces that you could be like "hey I know that from blahblahblah". Its really cool you can see those similarities. Overall it was really good and I thought it was super cool, I'd watch it again.

Movie Review, Dec 9, 2024

(1)I went to go see this movie with some close friends on Sunday (yesterday). I went into this movie with a completely fresh slate, I've never seen the musical and I've never interacted with anything wicked before seeing it. One of my friends had already seen it, and all the others had seen the musical. Starting the movie, I actually really enjoyed the begining scene with the main green girls mom. I think it was really well shot and all the reds really pulled everything together. I think whenever theres a main focus on one color, its always the best scenes in this movie. From start to finish I was pretty locked in. I know for a fact though, that ariana grande was not locked in until halfway through the movie. She only really started to play the character glinda after half the movie was already finished and we were into the song popular. Before that turn she was insufferable and I loathed her everytime she came on screen, which I know is what they were going for but the way I loathed her wasn't even the way they intended. It wasn't because she was rude or bitchy, it was because her character was so bland and her only trait was being a prissy asshole. I just hated her so much until her little turning around cause then she became such a funny character that was such a dick but in all the right ways. She had so many scenes after that that made me giggle it was really funny and her pink scene where everything was this beautiful shade of pink was great. Before that though her pink was so like disoriented, it wasn't even that bright and she just looked so icky. I think they should've made her a different shade of blonde or at least hired someone else that was actually blonde. Their singing wasn't that good either, neither of the main characters, the only time I actually enjoyed their singing and thought it was good was the very end and the last song. That was a good song and I thought she did really good w it. Elphaba or whatever her name is did a pretty good job I think. Not the whole time though, she wasn't a very good actor for a lot of it but she really locked in there at the last few scenes of the movie. I also don't really like her character but she was fine Ig. I also like her whole animal activitst thing and how she wanted to stop the Wizard even though she knew it would change her life so much and not in a good way. She also had a lot of sympathy for those monkeys she changed and I liked how they showed that backstory (yet again I don't know how they do it in the musical). I think the only problem I actually had with her was that she didn't even look like the witch, or even just a witch, shes just kinda green. I don't care that much about it though tbh.

(2)This movie did not need to be 3 hours long at all, they couldve cut so much of the exposition out and all the hair flipping. I don't even really know what spaces they should've cut out but something did. I also think that its stupid how theres a part 2 (which I know its a movie based on a musical so its like the part two of the musical but idc) because the movie was so long and theres still so much more left. I just don't think I'll care enough to see the second one.

(3)I think this movie was pretty good overall, it was very desaturated which was the main problem I saw. Overall I think it was fine and I know that a lot of hardcore fans enjoyed it. It also got a pretty good rating on letterboxd which I wasn't expecting in the slightest. There were many scenes of this movie I enjoyed and it definitley made me want to go see the musical.

Movie Review, Dec 2, 2024

Spoilers for these 2 movies ahead

(1)Yeah so pretty much, Moana 2 was ass and I don't think they should continue this plotline because after everything I've heard about it, it just honestly makes me not want to ever interact with disney again. The animation was pretty good for being a sequel I guess, the storyline was not good and it was lacking in some pretty major areas, the whole thanos multiverse mcu whatever type thing they got in the end credits for like more sequals and shows and stuff was a terrible decision and I hate how they added that so much. The only thing I liked about this movie was the inclusion of more parts of their culture ig, it still wasn't that good but I mean its better than older films that try to do similar things. I also liked how they made moana a demigod because I think as a character shes pretty well cut out for it. I'm also pretty hyped they didn't give her a love interest in this movie cause for multiple scenes I was kinda scared they were going to but they didn't so cool. It was still overall not that good but I don't have any really strong opinions on it and don't care for it that much. It's definetly something I won't purposefully watch again.

(2)Gladiator 2 on the other hand, was not that bad. It was actually a pretty stable movie as far as sequels go and everyone I went to go see the movie with enjoyed it a lot (all of them beign diehard fans of the movies for years). I think it was pretty good and I enjoyed the plotline, the charaters, and the overall just vibe of the movie. It's really REALLY difficult for me to watch characters that obviously have a mental disability be put in difficult situations or like uncomfortable situations like how one of the emperors get put in charge of everything and gets all manipulated and stuff, like obviously these are all bad people but when his monkey got threatened and stuff and he got like super concerned and KILLED HIS BROTHER OVER IT (and other stuff too but still) It was so hard for me to watch and like after that scene all I really cared about was making sure the pet monkey didn't die (which it didn't to my knowledge thank god). It was honestly a really stable movie and I think the actors in it did a great job and I'd 100% go see more of each of these actors future projects.

Show Review, Nov 26, 2024

(1)So I just completed breaking bad and el camino. Ill die on the hill that breaking bad is one of the best shows ever made and deserves all the hype it gets and more. It's honestly so insane how much I value this show. Its so insanely good and all the characters are so well thought out and everything feels like it was made on purpose and it doesn't feel messy in the way of like incompitence (if thats the right way of explaining it). Honestly I dont think I've ever cared more about this group of characters than I've ever cared for any other characters. Each character has a backstory and like a way you can sympathise with them. They have so much like character diversity like no one seems the same, no ones a copy of a copy each of them are their own person. So many shows get watered down after the first few seasons but this one stays on the same grind as it started. Theres no other show Ive seen that has this good of a plotline other than Hannibal maybe but thats cause I have a personal attachment to that show. I love mike ehrmantraut so much, like theres no other character in this show I liked more than him. He was such a good character and I related to him so much and hes exactly what I want to be when I grow older (apart from all the drugs and stuff). The other characters I liked were Jesse (duh), Marie, and Hank sometimes. I have a soft spot for Marie because at the start she seemed really annoying and I didn't really like her but when we get farther into the series she becomes such a good character and I love her so much. The only time I ever cried to this show was when hank died and marie found out and started crying. After watching that I just immedietly started sobbing. My mom has more of a soft spot towards hank which I can see sort of why but he doesn't strike my interest as much as the previously mentioned characters. Jesse on the other hand, is just, wow like hes such a great character, like maybe one of the best I've ever seen. He's such a complex and difficult character and went through so much but I'm glad he got his happy ending (or the ending that was best for him). When watching him at the last few episodes of the series, it was some of the most difficult episodes I've ever watched. It was just rough man. I've picked up so many of his like vocal things like yo and bitch and stuff to the point where its annoying as shit. Overall though, amazing show, would most definetly rewatch and I already plan on doing so, watch this show (unless your one of my friends cause then back off this is my show now) and this is just such an amazing show and expierence.

(2)Now, moving onto el camino. I watched el camino the day after finishing breaking bad, and at the time of writing this, I watched it yesterday. This was such a good follow up to the end of breaking bad, and I wasn't expecting much from it as a movie since it was a follow up to a television show but the cinematography was absolutely beautiful and I enjoyed watching every second of it. The scene with mike was so insane and it pulled on my mike loving heartstrings so hard. I felt every moment of this movie and it was just such an insane watch. It made todd such a more thought out character and it gave him so much more depth. The scenes with him and jesse were so weird and kind of disturbing to watch. Like if you saw jesse and todd from afar, or just kind of walked by them on the way to the grocery store or something, you would think nothing of them. Like youd probably be like "dang that guy smells and needs to take a shower" but other than that they seems like completely normal buds just hanging out working on a project or something. You wouldn't expect one of them to be a kidnapped meth slave cook and a nazi sociopath. Like what crazy shit is that man. It was just so crazy to watch all the inbetweens of these episodes and the things that we missed. Like jesse and walt in the restuarant, they were just sitting there and chilling, they were so close just for it all to go down the drain so insanely fast. Along with that, the most badass scene Ive ever seen was when jesse killed those guys to get the money and then like lie to the guys to get the money and leave, like he scared the ever loving shit out of them. Omg it was just so great and I'm so glad that jesse got to go to alaska like mike said and that he sent brock a letter. It's the happiest ending that jesse couldve gotten and it was just such a good end scene to a beautiful show and movie (I have yet to see better call saul). Argh and badger and skinny pete scene were perfect and I almost cried in every scene they were in ( I love those characters so so much). Im just so glad that these characters got the ending that they deserved (other than mike, I will never forgive walt for killing mike) This is the most i've ever written for one thing on this website so far. It definetly shows how many opinions I have about this show.

Show Review, Oct 7, 2024

I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH AHH

(1)No cause seriously this show is so funny and has one of the things I value most in shows, having good repersentation that doesn't feel super forced. A lot of media now a days has repersentation just for the woke points of putting repersentation. I know this sounds like some crazy right winged stuff I'm projecting but it is something I'm genuinley concerned with. The repersentation in this show is actually pretty good and it's not something super crazy or in your face. Like you could genuinley consider majority of the characters queer with some of the things they mention in the show. Like it just doesn't seem to be that big of a deal in this show whether or not someones queer. Peacemaker's obviously going to say some stuff about this cause of who he is but it's not anything out of character or something random just for woke points yet again. If you're gonna put repersentation in a show, this is the way to do it. Like put some gay people in but make it make sense, make it not that big of a deal. Most queer people I know being queer isn't even a big part of them. It's certainly not a big part of me, it's only a small part of what makes me, me. This show's just so funny and it has the same humor I do which makes things so much better. I just love this show so much and it's my absolute favorite.

Show Review, Oct 7, 2024

(1)This show is so good so far. I've been watching for a while and I'm currently on season 3 of the original show, Breaking Bad. I'm gonna watch the movie and Better Call Saul. Its so good and all the symbolism is absolutely insane. I love the differences in the color of Walts clothes showing how evil he's feeling. All of the characters are so good and so complex and the show makes you empathize with antagonist characters.

(2)This show is so farting good and I love it so much. I get why people obsess over it the way they do (even though some of the obsessions for certain characters I've seen seem a little overboard) but honestly I get it like this show is so good and so are all the characters. I'm a real geek when it comes to acting and cinematography so when I watched this movie I was just so giddy with how many cool camera shots and transitions they do. Some of the acting does get a little weird sometimes but Walt's actor does such a good job portraying the emotions in each episode. Like they're all such good actors that sometimes you forget that these people aren't actually drug dealers and insane people.

Movie Review, Sep 30, 2024

(1)This was on my watch list for a very long time and for good reason. This movie is so incredibly good with an amazing story to tell and such great acting. It’s so sad but so beautiful and such a crazy story about growth and acceptance and how different people can react to the same situations . This movie genuinely makes me want to scream, cry, throw up, and never leave my room again. It’s one of the most powerful stories I’ve ever watched and literally gut wrenching. I don’t think I’ll ever find another movie that moved me and altered my mental state as much as this one did. Brian’s also so incredibly relatable but in a slightly less severe way (I have no where near the amount of memory loss but it’s still pretty bad). This will forever be held dear in my heart.

Movie Review, Sep 30, 2024

(1)This is by far the best punk movie I've ever seen. It's such a good movie and has such a good premise its just great. When I first watched this a few years back it genuinley changed my life. It's so beautiful in so many ways and I don't think any other movie I ever watch (other than holes of course) will ever encapsulate the feeling I felt watching this for the first time. I think ever alternative person should watch this, especially the people who are really into fast fashion right now because it's such a good representation that you don't have to look the part to be the part. One of my favorite characters of all time is Mike because he doesn't look punk but he's the realest punk in the entire movie. Like you could call every single one of the other characters posers compared to Mike, and he looks like a weirdo nerd! Its just such a good movie and I feel the world would be a much better place if everyone did.

Movie Review, Sep 20, 2024

(1)This movies really farting good. It’s definitely one of my favorites. A lot of people associate it with incels but they gotta realize it’s making fun of the way these men think. You’re not supposed to look up to them or think they’re cool. You’re supposed to think they’re losers and not go down their path. It’s the same with American Psycho and Wolf of Wall Street. You aren’t supposed to like them. They’re bad people. They go down these horrible paths you’re not supposed to look at and say “that’s peak masculinity right there”, that is literally missing the whole point of the movie. Get your mind out your booty and use your brain.

Movie Review, Sep 20, 2024

(1)This movie was freaky man. It’s been a few weeks since I watched it, actually maybe a month or two. But it’s still one of the best movies I’ve seen in a while. I originally wanted to watch it because it has one of my favorite actresses, Thora Birch, and I haven’t seen any movies from her other than like a few I’ve watched since I was a kid like hocus pocus or monkey trouble. I think this movies actually really good. Other than the creepy main character who’s whole deal is to take back his life by doing inappropriate things with his daughters minor best friend, I think this movie had a lot of good lessons and a very very interesting plot line. This is not one I would watch with anyone other than like extremely close friends because it’s just so weird and kind of uncomfortable. I love a lot of the characters and I think that the overall idea of the movie was really good and I love the end where you don’t really know who killed him and you think it’s gonna be his wife but it ends up being the insane neighbor, absolutely amazing. I would definitely watch this movie again but with more mental preparation with how GROSS it can be sometimes. I just really hate the main guy in this, his whole spiel is just nasty. I mean I guess I understand some parts like his unhappiness with his marriage and job and all that but the way he did everything was so poor and just ewww. The guy the daughter ends up dating though was pretty cool even though he’s also very creepy. I liked his plot and his mom. I also really liked how he filmed everything and his vibe (???). I definitely feel weird about him though cause of the end scene but he’s better than most characters in this movie. I DESPISED the friend and pretty much everything about her. She didn’t deserve a lot of the stuff that happened to her but at the same time she was just so mean and rude to everybody and was so creepy with the dad. I also just hate the wife and how she cheated on the main dude. Like that was such a weird part of the movie and I just didn’t like it at all. I think it played in really well with the movie though. The cinematography was also absolutely fire and I loved all of the camera angles and ideas, obviously the main one being when she’s on the ceiling with the roses (even though that scene was gross). Overall, I think this movies really great and even though some parts can get uncomfortable it’s still a movie I’d recommend to people and I think it will stay as one of my favorites for a good while.

Movie Review, Oct 16, 2023

(1)Let's set the scene: the movie *Donnie Darko,* made October 26th, 2001, follows the protagonist Donnie as he travels through an alternate universe. Donnie has had a history of mental illness and has trouble with sleepwalking. One night, he sleepwalks out of his house and finds a giant demonic rabbit that tells him the world will end in 28 days. When Donnie awakes and returns to his home, he finds that a jet engine has fallen directly onto his bedroom where he would have been sleeping. Donnie goes through these next 28 days figuring out how the world ends and how he can prevent it.

(2)This movie was engrossing, and I had a fun time watching it. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys the psychological horror genre. *Donnie Darko* is one of my favorite movies because of how many parts can be discovered by rewatching the movie. It is similar to the psychological thriller *Shutter Island* because viewers can unearth new aspects and "revealed" spoilers that make sense in the context of the movie with every rewatch. It is like watching the film for the very first time again. *Donnie Darko* is a very confusing film, thus making it much more engaging and entertaining to watch. When the movie ends, one can see everything come full circle and how things start to make sense. There were a lot of twists and turns in this movie, which made it difficult to watch for the first time, but watching it again helps the story unfold fully. *Donnie Darko* is overall one of the best movies I have ever seen, and I highly recommend this movie to anyone.