12/11/24:I really need to shut the fuck up sometimes oml. I literally cosntatnly feel like I'm talking too much and it pisses me off so bad. Like its definineltly because I did that a lot in earlier years of my life and I was so annoying not even in like a "it was just me that thought that way" kinda thing, nah, literally everybody thought the same thing and I've only gotten better with that stuff THIS YEAR BRO. Its just a kinda big insecurity of mine and I think its worse now cause Im hungry which I know is weird but still, shhhh leave me alone. I also really need to find a new interest and everything seems so boring and I always look at things that I don't want to do and its so hard to discover new things this sucks a lot. Also I literally have 11 minutes left of class which makes me so mad cause I'm using one of the big computers that are really nice and not a chromebook which I hate using chromebooks because they type really weird and not as good and I also dont have amouse so I might go ask the library if they have a mouse but I dont know if they can give those out or even if were allowed to take them from the library I have no clue but I really want a mouse. Christmas lowkey sucks so hard its so anxitey producing and I feel like my hearts going a mile aminute which is not because of christmas, its because theres now 9 minutes left of class and I don't want to leave because I love this class and my next class period may not have waffles which I am so hungry for which makes me really mad. They also ran out of coke which I normally drink 2-3 of during the school day which I know isn't healthy but I honestly do not care give me it anyways and the truck that brings it isn't coming until tomorrow so I have to drink sprite all day which tastes like ass so this sucks. I also want to write in this notebook thing to keep track of stuff I need to do but I don't pay attention enough to even notice when someone tells me I need to do something which is completely my bad but its still annoying as shit and I always have to be scurrying last minute to find out plans or something I need to do which sucks ass yo. I am really bored and I need a hobby or something other than this that I can do all the time but I cant freaking find anything which SUCKs. anyuways that was my rant Im done now cause were leaving in like 6 minutes and I have to turn of my computer and gather up my stuff and shit.
yeah so this is where I put any of my random feelings or literally just anything thats too short to be a blog post. This is kinda just my own version of shit posting and throwing all my thoughts onto a webpage.
12/9/24:I embarassed myself hardcore last week in my criminal justice class I'm gonna cry. I was doing a breaking bad meth busting skit with some friends and I yelled the f word so loud and it was so embarassing and I have that class next period and I'm so scared to face all these people that I just obliterated with my loud ass f bomb last class. At least its waffle wedsendsay next class so thank god for that, it kind of makes everything else a lot better.
12/6/24: I've never wanted to look like an old man more than I do rn. I want to look like how walt looks at the end of the season 5, kind of like a homeless man but still. I think its my transgenderness wanting to be this version of myself I see as very masculine. I'm so incredibly bored, I got like nothing to do and am just sitting in class rn righting this boooooo. I think I'm gonna read some ernest hemingway books cause I've heard hes really good at that but was also like a raging alcoholic which obviously is booooo. I have so much to watch on my watch later list but none of it seems interesting which is stupid cause obviously I wanted to watch it at some point. I also don't really know what to draw even though I have a massive list. I wish I could discover more things that I'd enjoy idrk. My lips are also super chapped rn and are like cracking but I don't have any lipbalm so they're gonna stay chapped >:(.
Dude a really good example of the old man I want to be is mike from breaking bad. and another one is frank mckinnons image on his homepage which I have linked in one of my pages. I also haven't been keeping up with my math homework which is extremely stupid of me but I don't care enough to finish it as long as I get a B at the end of the quarter. I also have been having trouble with this one chick at my school that won't stop talking about me but I'll write something longer on my blog when I find the words for it. I know that this seems long enough to be a blog post but I don't see it as like good enough for a blog post cause it doesn't really have a main topic I'm following. I've lost so much weight from the past year its insane. I used to weigh almost 200 pounds and now I'm down to 157 which is great for me cause I'm not supposed to be that heavy for my height and age. I gained a lot of weight after using some medication that makes you rapidly gain weight. I got on a different medication that doesn't make me gain weight which then I started on a steady decline, then I got diagnosed with ADHD and started a new medication that helps me lose even more weight cause it decreases my appetite. This is not saying I don't eat because I do, I've just decreased the amount I eat and I try to eat healthy and be more concious of what I eat.